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Sexual Health

How to Get What You Really Want in Bed

Whether you’ve been in your relationship a long time or are just getting started with someone new, it’s only natural to fantasize about mixing things up in the bedroom from time to time. Maybe you like to picture scenarios that find your partner acting a little out of character or wonder what it would be like to use a different type of toy together. Chances are that your partner occasionally does the same.

But it’s one thing to think about revamping your sex life and to fantasize about what it would be like. It’s another to bring the topic up in conversation and get what you really want in bed. Here are a few tips that can help you get where you’d like to be.

Get used to talking about (and asking for) sex.

There’s no way around the need to actually become comfortable talking about sex, at least with your partner. As intuitive and attentive as your partner might be, they’re not psychic, and all those little hints or nudges are only going to get you so far. But everyone has to start somewhere.

Some people find it easier to open up at first in the heat of the moment. If that’s you, then take advantage of things the next time you’re all revved up and desperately wanting your partner to do something specific. It will be easier for you, and they’ll almost certainly oblige eagerly.

When you’re done, try telling your partner how good what they did felt, listen to their response, and take things from there. Then try sharing some ideas you’d love to try or mention stuff you already do that you’d love to experience more often. Encourage your partner to share some ideas of their own, as well. Don’t worry if things are a little awkward at first. Practice makes perfect.

Get to know your own body better.

Everyone masturbates from time to time – men and women, single people, and those in relationships. But for many people, it’s strictly about getting off and scratching a familiar itch occasionally. Try turning your next chunk of solo time into an indulgent self-discovery session instead and see what happens. If you don’t already have one, treat yourself to a vibrator and some luxurious lube. Then set aside an afternoon or evening to really take your time exploring your body.

Experiment with running the vibrator over various zones and favorite places to see how they respond. Explore multiple ways to stimulate yourself, and take note of the ones that give you the most powerful orgasms. The more you know about how your body responds to touch and different stimulation types, the better your partner will become at following suit under your tutelage.

Reevaluate some of your boundaries.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having sexual boundaries. Knowing your limits and communicating what they are with a partner are essential parts of your ongoing sexual growth. However, it’s also worth asking yourself why you have the limits you do. You’d be surprised how many people set their own boundaries to match the ones their friends say they have or because someone at some point in their life told them it was wrong to do certain things.

In other words, make sure the boundaries and limits you have are indeed your own. It’s OK to have more traditional “vanilla” tastes and to like what you like. But make sure you’re not missing out on something you could be into because you’re worried about what it would say about you if you tried it and liked it. Sometimes it pays off to try something new and out of character.

Go all out occasionally.

You don’t need to wait for your anniversary or Valentine’s Day to go all-out for yourself and your partner. Yes, those days should be celebrated to the fullest, but sometimes random Tuesdays are also good times to surprise someone with a special dessert or romantic bedroom romp. Your relationship – both in and out of the bedroom – is what you make of it, so celebrate it boisterously and often.

Consider making self-established traditions like date nights, naked Sundays, or staycation weekends regular things. Start a fantasy box and take turns adding new ideas to it. Then take a couple out to try when you’re in the mood for a little something different. Subscribe to a sexy couple’s box from a service like Seductive Pleasure Box to ensure you always have a fresh incoming supply of toys and accessories to try.

Getting what you really want in bed (and helping your partner do the same) is far from impossible. But getting into the right headspace is a process. So, take the first step today, and see where it leads you!